My friends and I, we occasionally have strange conversations. The conversations I have in my house are of an equally disturbing nature. The randomness of things that we talk about never fails to amaze me. I love every minute of it.
The other day, while driving down the highway, we passed a truck from a honey farm. This sparked a conversation between Daddy and myself. What happens to bees in the winter? Do they hibernate? Do they fly south? Is that truck carrying actual bees in those boxes strapped to the back of their rollback or is it just honeycombs? We actually talked about it. And I googled the answers. If we were going to talk about it, we needed to know.
We discuss other things too, like what happened to that giant missing plane. We have talked about our theories and what we think happened. We talk about the president and what his crazy ass if proposing we have to pay for this week. We talk about the weather. We talk about our children. Recently, we discussed moving (strictly a conversation before anyone gets pissy, not actually planning anything as of yet.)
We also discuss things that happen, or that we do, that are silly and stupid. I got to thinking about the amount of stupid things that happen to me, or because of me. I thought I would share some because it's been a while since I was funny. The serious posts were starting to make my brain hurt.
*Sometimes, I pee in the shower. I have to. Showering is the only time I have total privacy in this house. And even then I have to holler some answer to some question out the door during the shower. To go to the bathroom during the day, I must leave the door open. So they can investigate where I went.
*Sometimes, I screw up dinner. The other night I decided to make some boxed chicken meal that proclaimed all you had to do was add chicken. They were so wrong. If all you had to do was add chicken, it wouldn't have come out of the oven looking like mushed hell. It was so awful we had to order pizza. We ate a little late that night, but no one died. I'm sure it will happen again too. I see recipes as more of a guideline. Maybe that's my problem.
*I don't always answer my phone. A lot of people think my phone is always on silent. Most of the time, it is. I forget to turn the volume back on. And as of recently, there is no app you can download to change your volume for you at a pre-set time. And if any of you develop that, I am proclaiming here I want half of your profits as it was my idea. But sometimes, I see who is calling, make a face and hit the silent button. Yeah, I do that. Not ashamed either. Sometimes I just can't handle another stupid conversation. I have enough of those.
*I have days when I have to talk myself out of going everywhere in my pajamas. As a mom who only works sometimes, I don't always feel the need to get dressed. Then I see those women dropping their kids off at preschool in various stages of dressed and I can't bring myself to be that girl. Now, let's get this straight, my hair always looks like shit, I never wear make up and sometimes I have breakfast on my shirt. But I am dressed. Half the battle right there!
*I forget things on my grocery list on purpose sometimes. It's my guaranteed way of being able to leave the house for a half hour. Sometimes I just need that bag of cheese I forgot so I can finish dinner. LET ME GO GET IT QUICK! And I run. I don't get many breaks from my kids. Honestly, I get no breaks from being a caretaker, as that is my job as well. I am always caring for someone. Going to the grocery store alone is sometimes like a mini vacation for me.
*After I close the door on my car with both my children safely strapped in, I walk as slowly as I can back to my door. I always put the baby in first. He is right behind my seat and his door is right next to mine. Then I walk to the passenger side and buckle Child 1. Then I slowly (sometimes slow enough people think I have a disability) walk back to my side. It's 90 seconds of silence before I am locked in a moving vehicle with someone who wants to know EVERYTHING they can think of during the car ride.
*I refuse to give up smoking because it's the only thing keeping my children alive. Some people say the nicotine is what keeps them calm. NOPE. Not here. The thing that keeps me calm is the 7 minutes I get to go sit on the back porch and not have to talk to those people. If you add all my smoking time together during the day, I really am only away from them roughly 40 minutes. That's less time than someone of you have for a lunch break. I need that time. And if I have to smoke to do it, so be it. Plus, I like smoking. Yes, I know it will kill me, but something will, and I would prefer it be something I like and that I choose.
*I can never remember to fill my gas tank before it is empty. It's not intentional. I'm not hoping I'll wake up tomorrow and the gas fairy has filled my tank (Hint Hint Daddy). I just can't remember it until it gets to crisis stage. Most of what I remember is in my brain because I have already forgotten it twice, and now if it doesn't get done it will seriously turn into a disaster of epic proportions. This is my feeling about my gas tank. I will fill it when it's on E. Otherwise, we aren't in crisis mode yet, and it can wait another day.
*I have keys. I have a lot of keys. I have keys to everything. And they are all on the same key ring. Which at this current moment I have misplaced. I can't keep those things in one place for any reason. I bought a little thing to hang next to my door to help me correct this issue. I can't figure out where I put that either. Many days I have had to ask Child 1 to help me locate my missing keys. I am sad to report that he usually finds them before I do.
For what it's worth, I am a mess. But I figure my brain must be really busy with a lot of important stuff and that's why I can't get my shit together with the little stuff. If this isn't true, don't tell me otherwise. I like my version better.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Social Media and MY opinions
Social media may be a hard creature for some people to understand. The first big thing that everyone has to remember is that it's named social media for a reason. You're sharing things about your life with people who may or may not be "friends" or "family" or even people you've met. The other big thing about social media you need to understand is opinions differ.
Some people who read my blog may be offended by the fact that I occasionally call my children assholes. That's ok. You take your offended flag and fly it. That's your right. And I acknowledge it. But I'm still going to do it. Frankly, my kids are assholes sometimes. In my opinion. See that? I have an opinion. If you ask my mother, she will proclaim they are just wonderful children. But, they don't live with her. They behave for her. They reserve the asshole for me. Which if you think about it, is how it should be.
Some people who read my blog may be offended that I curse. Be as mad as you want to be. Talk about it. Tell people you read something that hurt your feelings because I said a bad word. And that's ok. Even if you are offended by me, you're still talking about me. And I'll take all the advertising I can get. Bad or otherwise. Even a bad review said to someone may encourage them to come see for themselves. And they may chuckle a bit because they wait until their children go to bed to eat all the good snacks. Or they may quietly call their children bad names under their breath too. Or god forbid, they taught their children some of the same bad words mine learned.
Some people may get offended that people (and in this case, me) voice an opinion about what you put on social media. Let's face it people. You say things on social media hoping for a reaction. You just may not get the reaction you were hoping for. When you put things on whatever social media outlet you use, you encourage people to comment. To voice their opinions. To chuckle and share their own story. Occasionally, you invite criticism. I have criticized. I have been criticized. I, however, have learned if there is something you simply don't want people to react to, you don't post it for the world to see. There are people who haven't learned this yet. If you know any of those people, direct them here. I will help them. Not only do I publically criticize other people, I criticize myself. I have gotten to the point in my life that I have come to realize that I am not always perfect. And while I'm not good at receiving it, I am good at doing it to myself.
Some things are best left off of social media. An unwanted pregnancy you don't want people to talk about, a one night stand that went terribly wrong, an STD you acquired from God knows who, and typically your choice of parenting methods. All poor choices of sharing information on social media. All things that everyone has an opinion on. And are more than willing to share it. Myself included. I have been in positions where I didn't want or need anyone's opinion. Do you know what happened? I didn't post about it on Facebook, or include it in my blog. I called my mommy like all people do when they are at a crossroads. I want her opinion, not Sally from high school who knows nothing about my life.
Basically, this comes down to common sense, which is sorely lacking anymore. Do I post things that my kids will one day hate me for? You're damn right. When they get themselves in a world of trouble for being a bully at school, I shall pull up my thousands of embarrassing pictures, and my world of blogging and remind them that they, too, used to be social outcasts. I will remind them of the ridiculous things they used to do when they have children, so they know what they are getting themselves into. But do I post medical diagnosis' and their personal information? Not all the time. I reference issues that we are having, more as a parent view than theirs. I use discretion. Yet another thing my generation is lacking.
So, let me leave you with a world of friendly advice. I will continue to voice my opinion on things people post on social media. That's why you say it right? If you don't like my opinion, by all means, delete me. Or stop posting certain aspects of your personal life if you aren't welcoming opinions. It's the same as telling people that you're having an abortion. You KNOW people will either be 100% behind you, or 100% against you. You say it to see which way the people are going to go. There's no other reason TO say it. I take all of those opportunities. That's my charm. I am honest to a fault when it comes to what I think. And that's why I either have totally awesome supporters in my honesty, or I have people who hate me for it. But you want to know a secret? Even the people who hate it still come read my blog. And still tell me their information hoping I'll comment on it. People crave opinions. So stop bitching when you get them.
Are we all clear on that? Anyone need a little extra help with it? Direct me to your Facebook page, I'll help you remember by posting my opinion on things you shouldn't say publicly. After all, it's what I do best.
Some people who read my blog may be offended by the fact that I occasionally call my children assholes. That's ok. You take your offended flag and fly it. That's your right. And I acknowledge it. But I'm still going to do it. Frankly, my kids are assholes sometimes. In my opinion. See that? I have an opinion. If you ask my mother, she will proclaim they are just wonderful children. But, they don't live with her. They behave for her. They reserve the asshole for me. Which if you think about it, is how it should be.
Some people who read my blog may be offended that I curse. Be as mad as you want to be. Talk about it. Tell people you read something that hurt your feelings because I said a bad word. And that's ok. Even if you are offended by me, you're still talking about me. And I'll take all the advertising I can get. Bad or otherwise. Even a bad review said to someone may encourage them to come see for themselves. And they may chuckle a bit because they wait until their children go to bed to eat all the good snacks. Or they may quietly call their children bad names under their breath too. Or god forbid, they taught their children some of the same bad words mine learned.
Some people may get offended that people (and in this case, me) voice an opinion about what you put on social media. Let's face it people. You say things on social media hoping for a reaction. You just may not get the reaction you were hoping for. When you put things on whatever social media outlet you use, you encourage people to comment. To voice their opinions. To chuckle and share their own story. Occasionally, you invite criticism. I have criticized. I have been criticized. I, however, have learned if there is something you simply don't want people to react to, you don't post it for the world to see. There are people who haven't learned this yet. If you know any of those people, direct them here. I will help them. Not only do I publically criticize other people, I criticize myself. I have gotten to the point in my life that I have come to realize that I am not always perfect. And while I'm not good at receiving it, I am good at doing it to myself.
Some things are best left off of social media. An unwanted pregnancy you don't want people to talk about, a one night stand that went terribly wrong, an STD you acquired from God knows who, and typically your choice of parenting methods. All poor choices of sharing information on social media. All things that everyone has an opinion on. And are more than willing to share it. Myself included. I have been in positions where I didn't want or need anyone's opinion. Do you know what happened? I didn't post about it on Facebook, or include it in my blog. I called my mommy like all people do when they are at a crossroads. I want her opinion, not Sally from high school who knows nothing about my life.
Basically, this comes down to common sense, which is sorely lacking anymore. Do I post things that my kids will one day hate me for? You're damn right. When they get themselves in a world of trouble for being a bully at school, I shall pull up my thousands of embarrassing pictures, and my world of blogging and remind them that they, too, used to be social outcasts. I will remind them of the ridiculous things they used to do when they have children, so they know what they are getting themselves into. But do I post medical diagnosis' and their personal information? Not all the time. I reference issues that we are having, more as a parent view than theirs. I use discretion. Yet another thing my generation is lacking.
So, let me leave you with a world of friendly advice. I will continue to voice my opinion on things people post on social media. That's why you say it right? If you don't like my opinion, by all means, delete me. Or stop posting certain aspects of your personal life if you aren't welcoming opinions. It's the same as telling people that you're having an abortion. You KNOW people will either be 100% behind you, or 100% against you. You say it to see which way the people are going to go. There's no other reason TO say it. I take all of those opportunities. That's my charm. I am honest to a fault when it comes to what I think. And that's why I either have totally awesome supporters in my honesty, or I have people who hate me for it. But you want to know a secret? Even the people who hate it still come read my blog. And still tell me their information hoping I'll comment on it. People crave opinions. So stop bitching when you get them.
Are we all clear on that? Anyone need a little extra help with it? Direct me to your Facebook page, I'll help you remember by posting my opinion on things you shouldn't say publicly. After all, it's what I do best.
Friday, March 28, 2014
meetings and more meetings
I have had more meetings this week than I ever imagined a sometimes stay at home mom could ever have. Honestly, who ever would have thought going to kindergarten required so much forethought. It's kindergarten! He isn't even supposed to know how to tie his shoes yet!
It's not college. There isn't a whole lot to prepare for. I'm not shipping him off on his own. In fact, he will only be half a block away. Can we stop talking about it now?
Before I get lectured, I know, it's important. "His first stepping stone to education" and all. But for Christmas sakes, I think we can handle it. (My phone auto corrects all my slightly religious words to other slightly religious words- christ became Christmas- I left it on purpose. It amused me.)
Yesterday I got asked what my education background was. Was I a teacher or an aide somewhere? Nope. Nada. Just a parent who pays attention, thank you. Obviously there aren't enough of those if everyone was sufficiently surprised by my ability to pay attention......
We have another meeting in just over an hour. Then I have my own appointment right after that. Should be a fun filled day.
Someone remind me to blog later about my involvement in the head start federal review. That's sure to be a hoot based on yesterday's planning meeting. Haha........
If any of you know me and non-existant mouth filter, you should know why me and federal review should never be mentioned in the same sentence.....
It's not college. There isn't a whole lot to prepare for. I'm not shipping him off on his own. In fact, he will only be half a block away. Can we stop talking about it now?
Before I get lectured, I know, it's important. "His first stepping stone to education" and all. But for Christmas sakes, I think we can handle it. (My phone auto corrects all my slightly religious words to other slightly religious words- christ became Christmas- I left it on purpose. It amused me.)
Yesterday I got asked what my education background was. Was I a teacher or an aide somewhere? Nope. Nada. Just a parent who pays attention, thank you. Obviously there aren't enough of those if everyone was sufficiently surprised by my ability to pay attention......
We have another meeting in just over an hour. Then I have my own appointment right after that. Should be a fun filled day.
Someone remind me to blog later about my involvement in the head start federal review. That's sure to be a hoot based on yesterday's planning meeting. Haha........
If any of you know me and non-existant mouth filter, you should know why me and federal review should never be mentioned in the same sentence.....
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Babysitting my ASS
So I was watching Divorce Court today. None of that judgy-judgy stuff. I enjoy watching people's lives implode on television. I feel for a half hour like I have all my ducks in a row. And honestly, from 9am-930am during Divorce Court is the only time that happens anymore. HA
Todays episode featured one of the most ridiculous couples I have ever watched. The woman referred to being the one in charge of her children as BABYSITTING. What the hell? I have two children. Two. Let me repeat that. I have two children. I have never referred to raising my children as babysitting. If you breed them, you own them. Is it babysitting if you buy a dog, or do you own it? Last I checked, you got paid to babysit and you got to send them home when you were finished. None of that sounds like what happens here with my children. No one pays me for taking care of them. And they don't ever go anywhere without me. Babysitting, my ass. And the guy said he was willing to pay his wife to watch the kids if she would stop complaining about it! What on earth are you talking about? What you need to do is go ahead and divorce her, and then find a real mom to raise those kids. Holy crap on a cracker.
Hearing someone say that about their own children seriously gives me the largest amount of butt-hurt I've ever had. I immediately want to drive to their homes and just take their kids away. To me, saying that you babysit your own children is akin to not feeding them for 2 days. I mean, seriously. How much do you NOT love your children to talk about them that way????
There are times that I dislike my kids. Bath time happens to be a time that I hate them most of all. No one wants their hair washed. They all want to splash about like epileptic fish. By the end of bath time, not only are they wet, but so is anything else in close proximity to the bathroom. I have had water splashed clear out in the hallway. If ever there was a time I would refer to my children in that manner it would be bedtime, and yet I never have because...... wait for it...... I am their mother.
Dinner time is another time in which I hate my children. Unless I make hot dogs and French fries, no one wants to eat. The little thinks that now that he has 3 teeth, he can eat whatever we eat. Forget baby food. We left that a while ago. Now he only wants what we have. But how the hell do you chew pot roast with 3 front teeth? I'm sure someone somewhere can do it, but not a 9 month old child. Give him baby food because he can't eat what we eat and I just end up wearing it. He shoves the spoon away like I'm trying to feed him lye laced bleach.
Child 1 just doesn't eat. He will whine "But Mom, where's my hot dog?" "I don't want to eat that!" even if it's something he just ate last week at school. Trying to feed the people in this house is like trying to negotiate a peace contract between two warring countries. It's close to impossible, and someone always ends up going home crying. Usually Child 1. Child 2 can still have ba-ba's.
And not once have I referred to child raising as babysitting. It's a frustrating, hard, selfless job. No one finds it fun all the time, and if they do, what in the hell are you doing differently than I am??? There are days I would pay people to take these damn kids for just an hour so I can just listen. Listen to what you ask? The sound of nothing. I miss the sound of nothing. I get up 2 hours before everyone else just to remember what quiet sounds like.
So, if you people still feel the need to consider raising your child "BABYSITTING", you should consider a better form of birth control. Because you honestly shouldn't be allowed to have babies.
Todays episode featured one of the most ridiculous couples I have ever watched. The woman referred to being the one in charge of her children as BABYSITTING. What the hell? I have two children. Two. Let me repeat that. I have two children. I have never referred to raising my children as babysitting. If you breed them, you own them. Is it babysitting if you buy a dog, or do you own it? Last I checked, you got paid to babysit and you got to send them home when you were finished. None of that sounds like what happens here with my children. No one pays me for taking care of them. And they don't ever go anywhere without me. Babysitting, my ass. And the guy said he was willing to pay his wife to watch the kids if she would stop complaining about it! What on earth are you talking about? What you need to do is go ahead and divorce her, and then find a real mom to raise those kids. Holy crap on a cracker.
Hearing someone say that about their own children seriously gives me the largest amount of butt-hurt I've ever had. I immediately want to drive to their homes and just take their kids away. To me, saying that you babysit your own children is akin to not feeding them for 2 days. I mean, seriously. How much do you NOT love your children to talk about them that way????
There are times that I dislike my kids. Bath time happens to be a time that I hate them most of all. No one wants their hair washed. They all want to splash about like epileptic fish. By the end of bath time, not only are they wet, but so is anything else in close proximity to the bathroom. I have had water splashed clear out in the hallway. If ever there was a time I would refer to my children in that manner it would be bedtime, and yet I never have because...... wait for it...... I am their mother.
Dinner time is another time in which I hate my children. Unless I make hot dogs and French fries, no one wants to eat. The little thinks that now that he has 3 teeth, he can eat whatever we eat. Forget baby food. We left that a while ago. Now he only wants what we have. But how the hell do you chew pot roast with 3 front teeth? I'm sure someone somewhere can do it, but not a 9 month old child. Give him baby food because he can't eat what we eat and I just end up wearing it. He shoves the spoon away like I'm trying to feed him lye laced bleach.
Child 1 just doesn't eat. He will whine "But Mom, where's my hot dog?" "I don't want to eat that!" even if it's something he just ate last week at school. Trying to feed the people in this house is like trying to negotiate a peace contract between two warring countries. It's close to impossible, and someone always ends up going home crying. Usually Child 1. Child 2 can still have ba-ba's.
And not once have I referred to child raising as babysitting. It's a frustrating, hard, selfless job. No one finds it fun all the time, and if they do, what in the hell are you doing differently than I am??? There are days I would pay people to take these damn kids for just an hour so I can just listen. Listen to what you ask? The sound of nothing. I miss the sound of nothing. I get up 2 hours before everyone else just to remember what quiet sounds like.
So, if you people still feel the need to consider raising your child "BABYSITTING", you should consider a better form of birth control. Because you honestly shouldn't be allowed to have babies.
Monday, March 24, 2014
I broke the cardinal rule!
I did today what every parent vows they will never do the day they learn they are pregnant.
I cursed at my child.
Not in front of my child, but AT him. Like directly at him, with a sentence that started with his name.
Child 1 pushed me to my limit today. We whined, we cried, we threw fits, we threw toys. And as much as Mommy said "No, don't do that." or "Will you please stop?" the ridiculousness continued. Until Mommy eventually snapped and cursed at my child.
Child 1 wanted to snuggle, but not actually with touching. Child 1 wanted to play a game, but apparently none of the games we actually own. Child 1 wanted to watch a TV show, but none of the ones that were on. Child 1 wanted to play with a toy, but only the lost toy. Child 1 wanted to look at his brother, but didn't want his brother to look at him.
It was an intensely irritating day all around. It did not go well. I was PISSED.
What curse word could I have possibly said, you ask? Oh, well let me tell you. Did I ask him "What the hell is your problem?" Nope. Didn't say that. Did I ask him "What is your damn problem?" Nope. Didn't say that either.
I actually told my child "Are you f$%king listening to me? Go sit somewhere and shut your pie hole!" Today, I was that Mom. I was that Mom we all roll our eyes at when we hear them speak like this at the store. I was that Mom we all proclaim we will NEVER be. I did it.
Want to know a horrible secret? It felt really good. Not like a brownie sundae from DQ good, mind you. But I felt better than before the F word came out of my mouth.
So now let's review a list a bad things I have taught my child...... (other adults have contributed as well, but I'll shoulder all the blame since I tend to speak like a sailor on shore leave...)
1. Son of a Bitch- This was uttered on a pool ladder in my mothers back yard. HAHA. I will not claim this phrase, as he did not hear it from me. But I'm sure I say it enough.
2. Jesus Christ- This hasn't been said in a while, but was at one point a daily exclamation when something he didn't expect to happen actually happened. I will take the blame on this bad boy, because it is one of my most treasured statements.
3. God Damn It- This is frequently said while playing video games. Because as according to my son "Mom, that is what you're supposed to say when you lose." Again, I shouldn't chuckle, but I did. He's a quick one, that kid.
If I have to pick him up from school tomorrow for asking a kid "Are you f$%king listening to me?" I will scold him appropriately, then giggle relentlessly as soon as he is no longer within earshot. Because I can see my little Sheldon-like child saying this to the kids in his class he feels aren't as smart as he is.
Oh, what a life I live......
I cursed at my child.
Not in front of my child, but AT him. Like directly at him, with a sentence that started with his name.
Child 1 pushed me to my limit today. We whined, we cried, we threw fits, we threw toys. And as much as Mommy said "No, don't do that." or "Will you please stop?" the ridiculousness continued. Until Mommy eventually snapped and cursed at my child.
Child 1 wanted to snuggle, but not actually with touching. Child 1 wanted to play a game, but apparently none of the games we actually own. Child 1 wanted to watch a TV show, but none of the ones that were on. Child 1 wanted to play with a toy, but only the lost toy. Child 1 wanted to look at his brother, but didn't want his brother to look at him.
It was an intensely irritating day all around. It did not go well. I was PISSED.
What curse word could I have possibly said, you ask? Oh, well let me tell you. Did I ask him "What the hell is your problem?" Nope. Didn't say that. Did I ask him "What is your damn problem?" Nope. Didn't say that either.
I actually told my child "Are you f$%king listening to me? Go sit somewhere and shut your pie hole!" Today, I was that Mom. I was that Mom we all roll our eyes at when we hear them speak like this at the store. I was that Mom we all proclaim we will NEVER be. I did it.
Want to know a horrible secret? It felt really good. Not like a brownie sundae from DQ good, mind you. But I felt better than before the F word came out of my mouth.
So now let's review a list a bad things I have taught my child...... (other adults have contributed as well, but I'll shoulder all the blame since I tend to speak like a sailor on shore leave...)
1. Son of a Bitch- This was uttered on a pool ladder in my mothers back yard. HAHA. I will not claim this phrase, as he did not hear it from me. But I'm sure I say it enough.
2. Jesus Christ- This hasn't been said in a while, but was at one point a daily exclamation when something he didn't expect to happen actually happened. I will take the blame on this bad boy, because it is one of my most treasured statements.
3. God Damn It- This is frequently said while playing video games. Because as according to my son "Mom, that is what you're supposed to say when you lose." Again, I shouldn't chuckle, but I did. He's a quick one, that kid.
If I have to pick him up from school tomorrow for asking a kid "Are you f$%king listening to me?" I will scold him appropriately, then giggle relentlessly as soon as he is no longer within earshot. Because I can see my little Sheldon-like child saying this to the kids in his class he feels aren't as smart as he is.
Oh, what a life I live......
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Apparently I endanger my child once a week!
Listen, if you look hard enough, you can find a billion stories online about how "tear-free shampoo made my baby blind!" or "I gave my child a stuffed animal with button eyes and my child almost died!" It happens. Things happen. People aren't perfect. But seriously, not everything is as dangerous as you make it out to be.
There is now an epidemic going on. People are stopping mothers in the grocery stores to tell them that putting a child in a car seat on the top of the grocery cart is unsafe. If my child is walking behind me sipping bleach in the grocery store, feel free to stop me and point it out. Sometimes it's difficult for me to keep my eyes on everyone and still get my list accomplished. If you notice my child is safely strapped into a seat that is safe for him to ride in while hurling down the highway at 65 miles per hour but I have it sitting on top the grocery cart, and you stop me to give me the what-for, I will punch you.
I know I know, some lady hit a bump in the parking lot and her child FLEW OFF THE CART! And it's happened to other people too. But see, I had this idea once. And I use it sometimes. If I hit a bump, I move my hand upward about 2.7 inches and grab the damn car seat! THAT WILL KEEP IT FROM GOING ANYWHERE!
I know with a billion kids and rooting around for your EBT card and checking your iPhone 5, it might be hard to accomplish that. Those parents should leave their children at home. I mean, where would you put them anyway with $300 worth of shrimp and potato chips in the cart? The rest of humanity should just do what moms have been doing since giving birth came into play. USE YOUR DAMN HANDS TO KEEP YOUR KIDS FROM FALLING OFF THINGS!
When my sister was little, I remember my mom propping her on the kitchen counter, holding her with one hand, while using her other hand to do whatever needed done on the counter. I have tried it, but my cupboards are too low and my kid whacks his head. So I plop him in front of the fridge with the ABC magnets and let him go to town.
WHAT???? ABC MAGNETS CAN KILL MY KID TOO!?!?!?!?!?! Seriously people, relax. Once upon a time none of us wore seat belts, we rode in the hatch backs of cars (when cars only came equipped with airbags in the steering wheel- because the driver is the most important person in the car!), we climbed trees until the branches were too thin to hold our weight anymore, we drank soda and ate doughnuts. If I lived through all that, and then some, my kid can play with magnets.
I saw an article that a child was killed in a car seat sitting on the living room floor because her mom didn't take her out of it when they got home. The child died because her little head fell forward and she couldn't breath. It certainly was a tragedy. But it didn't make me any less likely to leave my own child in his car seat. THAT BASTARD WAKES UP WHEN I TAKE HIM OUT OF THERE! So, instead, I just walk by every few moments and make sure his head is the right way. Probably not safe to leave your child anywhere for a few hours without checking on them.
I'm tired of parents making such a huge deal out of all the things that are dangerous for children anymore. They were always dangerous, but there is a huge difference between then and now. Parents paid ATTENTION TO THEIR CHILDREN! Check on em. Yell for em. Keep an eye on em. Something. But parents now just expect that things are so safe that they don't have to be parents anymore.
Frankly, I feel bad for the children of these parents. If you are so worried that you have to chastised parents for letting their kids in car seats on grocery carts, what are your kids lives like at home? Only hypoallergenic everything and a vegan diet? Wooden toys only so they can't collect dander? "Here Billy, snuggle up to this wooden letter block. You can't have a stuffed bunny because it may kill you while you sleep with it's invisible mold spores surrounded by dead skin cells....."
Seriously people, common sense. It goes a long way. And don't ever come up to me anywhere and tell me what I'm doing wrong with my kids. Unless one of them is drinking bleach. Then it's acceptable.
There is now an epidemic going on. People are stopping mothers in the grocery stores to tell them that putting a child in a car seat on the top of the grocery cart is unsafe. If my child is walking behind me sipping bleach in the grocery store, feel free to stop me and point it out. Sometimes it's difficult for me to keep my eyes on everyone and still get my list accomplished. If you notice my child is safely strapped into a seat that is safe for him to ride in while hurling down the highway at 65 miles per hour but I have it sitting on top the grocery cart, and you stop me to give me the what-for, I will punch you.
I know I know, some lady hit a bump in the parking lot and her child FLEW OFF THE CART! And it's happened to other people too. But see, I had this idea once. And I use it sometimes. If I hit a bump, I move my hand upward about 2.7 inches and grab the damn car seat! THAT WILL KEEP IT FROM GOING ANYWHERE!
I know with a billion kids and rooting around for your EBT card and checking your iPhone 5, it might be hard to accomplish that. Those parents should leave their children at home. I mean, where would you put them anyway with $300 worth of shrimp and potato chips in the cart? The rest of humanity should just do what moms have been doing since giving birth came into play. USE YOUR DAMN HANDS TO KEEP YOUR KIDS FROM FALLING OFF THINGS!
When my sister was little, I remember my mom propping her on the kitchen counter, holding her with one hand, while using her other hand to do whatever needed done on the counter. I have tried it, but my cupboards are too low and my kid whacks his head. So I plop him in front of the fridge with the ABC magnets and let him go to town.
WHAT???? ABC MAGNETS CAN KILL MY KID TOO!?!?!?!?!?! Seriously people, relax. Once upon a time none of us wore seat belts, we rode in the hatch backs of cars (when cars only came equipped with airbags in the steering wheel- because the driver is the most important person in the car!), we climbed trees until the branches were too thin to hold our weight anymore, we drank soda and ate doughnuts. If I lived through all that, and then some, my kid can play with magnets.
I saw an article that a child was killed in a car seat sitting on the living room floor because her mom didn't take her out of it when they got home. The child died because her little head fell forward and she couldn't breath. It certainly was a tragedy. But it didn't make me any less likely to leave my own child in his car seat. THAT BASTARD WAKES UP WHEN I TAKE HIM OUT OF THERE! So, instead, I just walk by every few moments and make sure his head is the right way. Probably not safe to leave your child anywhere for a few hours without checking on them.
I'm tired of parents making such a huge deal out of all the things that are dangerous for children anymore. They were always dangerous, but there is a huge difference between then and now. Parents paid ATTENTION TO THEIR CHILDREN! Check on em. Yell for em. Keep an eye on em. Something. But parents now just expect that things are so safe that they don't have to be parents anymore.
Frankly, I feel bad for the children of these parents. If you are so worried that you have to chastised parents for letting their kids in car seats on grocery carts, what are your kids lives like at home? Only hypoallergenic everything and a vegan diet? Wooden toys only so they can't collect dander? "Here Billy, snuggle up to this wooden letter block. You can't have a stuffed bunny because it may kill you while you sleep with it's invisible mold spores surrounded by dead skin cells....."
Seriously people, common sense. It goes a long way. And don't ever come up to me anywhere and tell me what I'm doing wrong with my kids. Unless one of them is drinking bleach. Then it's acceptable.
Ah, friends.
I don't pray for things. For those of you who do, I commend you. Prayer is hard. It's hard to ask for something from someone you can't see or hear and just trust that it will happen. I have a different method, and so far it's been working.
I operate by the "it's not what you know, but who you know" method. If I don't know something, I'm sure I know someone who will know it. I don't ask for help. I put my problem out there, and people help who know what they are doing. And they do this because, I have real friends.
I may neglect some of you far more than I should. But in a pinch, I promise I will come through. I work best under pressure anyway. But in the past few weeks, I have learned how many true friends I really do have. I have friends willing to help me in all parts of this book process. I have friends willing to go out and buy it even though none of you know what it's about yet. LOL
I have friends who are willing to lend an ear to help me talk it out if I need it. I have friends who are willing to listen to me bitch. I have friends who are willing to bitch with me.
I have a truly wonderful group of people in my life. Someone I haven't seen in more than half my life offered to help me out last night. Not only was I excited enough to do a little happy dance when I got her message, it made me truly proud to be from where I came from.
Growing up on a little tiny hidden military base made for some really boring times. You only had the friends who lived on the base with you to entertain you. And there honestly weren't many of us. But, the people who were there became lifetime friends. I am still friends with a few who have found me, or I've found them, over the internet the past few years. There are still some I wish I could find and still cross my mind occasionally.
I have the most overwhelmingly wonderful people I can call my own.
I still however have not found a single person willing to watch my kids so Dad and I can have an hour alone to talk without screaming overtop of children. Funny how that works isn't it?
I operate by the "it's not what you know, but who you know" method. If I don't know something, I'm sure I know someone who will know it. I don't ask for help. I put my problem out there, and people help who know what they are doing. And they do this because, I have real friends.
I may neglect some of you far more than I should. But in a pinch, I promise I will come through. I work best under pressure anyway. But in the past few weeks, I have learned how many true friends I really do have. I have friends willing to help me in all parts of this book process. I have friends willing to go out and buy it even though none of you know what it's about yet. LOL
I have friends who are willing to lend an ear to help me talk it out if I need it. I have friends who are willing to listen to me bitch. I have friends who are willing to bitch with me.
I have a truly wonderful group of people in my life. Someone I haven't seen in more than half my life offered to help me out last night. Not only was I excited enough to do a little happy dance when I got her message, it made me truly proud to be from where I came from.
Growing up on a little tiny hidden military base made for some really boring times. You only had the friends who lived on the base with you to entertain you. And there honestly weren't many of us. But, the people who were there became lifetime friends. I am still friends with a few who have found me, or I've found them, over the internet the past few years. There are still some I wish I could find and still cross my mind occasionally.
I have the most overwhelmingly wonderful people I can call my own.
I still however have not found a single person willing to watch my kids so Dad and I can have an hour alone to talk without screaming overtop of children. Funny how that works isn't it?
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