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Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Family Shitstorm


I don't know why I bother saying that. Someone will.

I love my entire family. I especially love my mother, my stepfather, my sister and my brother-in-law. These four people live (believe it or not) right next door. It's like my family picked a block and said "THIS shall be our land!" and all moved in next to each other.

It's a blessing. While I was pregnant with my new son I had complications. I knew I could walk my oldest next door in the middle of the night so Daddy and I could head to labor and delivery to make sure the baby was ok. I knew if I was deathly ill, I could call any one of these people and they would take my son somewhere, anywhere, so I could sleep. I knew if I was feeling the sensation of choking someone, either myself or my children could go hide next door. And that has been a life saver. 

They spoil both my children. There are always trips to Ya-Ya's house. Ya-Ya is my mother, who detests the idea of being called Grammy. She picked it, the kids love it, everyone's happy. My sister and brother-in-law are always giving my son money for doing well in school. They also give him lots of candy, which I promise to pay them back for someday. Their children will get Easter Baskets filled with pixie stix and pop rocks. HA.

BUT, it's also a curse. Because we live so close, parenting is often a family ordeal. Those people with parents who live states away, say a little thank you right now. Trust me.

When a situation comes up, like my last entry, people have input. I usually take input very well. Until it comes from my family. Then it becomes like some kind of personal attack to which I must arm myself and begin battle. So, family, take this as my apology.

I know that every last one of you wish the best for my kids. And would do anything and everything to give them whatever they should want or need. And I couldn't ask for a better living situation. And I love that you all want to be so involved. I apologize that I take everything concerning my kids the way I do. I know I sometimes create tension amongst the clan. But honestly, parenting is hard.

Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done. And truthfully, I sometimes feel like I'm not putting the puzzle pieces where they are supposed to go. I know this is my own little issue to resolve, and admitting you have an issue is the first step to recovery right????? I have no idea what all 12 steps are, but there is one where you find the people you wronged and apologize.

Ya-Ya, GJ, Aunt B, Uncle Revin and Daddy- I formally (and publicly) apologize. I am grateful you are all so willing to be there for anything that comes up. I know for a fact I will once again piss one of you off because I take to heart what clearly wasn't meant as a parenting insult. Just remember this line and repeat it to me as needed: "HEY, THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU!"

Sometimes, I feel like what everyone says is about me. Maybe it's because I have no faith in my parenting ability. Maybe it's because some days I feel like my child is smarter than I am. Maybe it's because I quit my job to stay home with the kids and I'm starting to think like one.

I really believe I am starting to think like a 5 year old. That's the excuse I'm going with....