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Sunday, April 20, 2014

An awkward conversation may lead to needing bail money

By now, my faithful readers probably know something I'm going to reveal right now.

I'm really good at being awkward. Or more specifically I'm really good at putting myself into awkward situations I had no intention of being involved in. This time, through no fault of my own, I landed in an uncomfortable position that I have never been in before. And hopefully never will be again.

How the hell do you go visit your new neighbors and tell them their child may be the spawn of Satan? Ok, maybe not literally. I'm sure he wasn't bred and brought here specifically to drive me to evil. But it sure feels that way. On a holy day, none-the-less.

Said child will let himself into houses all over the neighborhood in the hunt of my child. He will play relentlessly on my porch, even when we have asked him to go home 15 times. We had family in from out of state today. We wanted to visit them. Not babysit another kid I didn't create. He even pulled my hair while I was trying to take family pictures.

Surprisingly enough, I didn't turn around and curse at him. But boy, did I want to. Instead, in my meanest Mommy voice and sharpest glare, I told him if he didn't settle down and behave like he was supposed to I was sending him home. And he couldn't ever come back. Shortly after that exchange, I had to send him home. About 11 more times. The kid is like athlete's foot. He just keeps sneaking up on you.

On 3 separate occasions today, his family could be heard in their own yard, questioning where their son was. Like me clarify this. HIS SISTER questioned it. His parents were blissfully unaware their child had just let himself into someone's house who owned a rather large unpleasant dog. He was, again, hunting my child.

Please understand, I am not blaming the child. When given free reign, a 5 year old will most certainly run with it. But come on. I also own a 5 year old, and his ass isn't walking into other people's houses without them knowing about it. I managed to teach my child some kind of politeness. And respect. He may sometimes forget it, or he may not accurately say what he wants to. But he does it.

My kids are assholes. But my kids are assholes of the mouthy variety. My kid has no problem putting you directly in your place. I suppose he got that from his mother. Unfortunately, I have a feeling this conversation will require kid gloves. Obviously, they aren't really great parents. I'm sure pointing it out will go over much like a lead balloon.

And for my friends who are about to tell me that this is in no way, shape or form my problem- you may be right. It may not be my problem. But he is coming, uninvited, into my home. He is breaking things our hard earned money purchased. He is essentially stalking my house. At 5 years old. While his parents do lord knows what. So in essence, I have made it my problem. Someone has to stick up for the kid before he ends up in juvie.

And yes, I would absolutely be that parent who smacks another person's kid. My yard, my house, my rules. There are two options here: follow my rules when you are here, or don't be here.

And for my friends who think I am too hard on my child- let me kindly point out he is the one enforcing the rules with his friends when I am not directly in their space. He knows right from wrong. He knows what will happen if he doesn't listen. And frankly, as far as I'm concerned, that's a sign of raising a child correctly.

Responsibility and greatness are measured by what you do when no one is looking. Teach that to your children and you won't have to worry about what he/she does when you aren't around.

So, here's to hoping my next post isn't brought to you via the county lock-up! Maybe you all should start gathering bail money just in case.