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Friday, April 25, 2014

Depression and my loving "husband"

I read someone else's blog. Actually, the only blog I follow with regularity. My cousin. Who is sharing her perspective on divorce. It's very real, and very heartfelt. Then I write about having shit on my pants and food in my hair.

Quite the spectrum isn't it? And it also made me think "Shouldn't I be sharing more? After all, isn't that what blogs are for? To release very real emotions?" So I thought maybe I should give this a try.

I have been getting more and more lazy with what I'm supposed to be doing. I simply can't keep on top of what needs to be done in my every day life. I am missing things, forgetting things, just not having the motivation to do them.

I was diagnosed with depression a long time ago. Normally, I have things under control. I manage to do acceptable without being medicated. But when I get stressed, and I feel like my list is getting too long to handle, I shut down.

I play facebook games. I do the bare minimum. I think about all the things that I SHOULD be doing and waste an entire day planning and never accomplishing. I am starting to believe I may have a touch of ADD and Autism myself. Doing all the research to make me a better parent has made me see that I fit a lot of the typical behaviors for these as well.

I really need to figure out how to kick this in the ass once and for all. I'm hoping that my "husband" realizes that I'm not just pretending to be this way to get out of things. I really truly feel absolutely depressed. I usually do this time of year. The not-quite-cold-not-quite-warm-can't-go-outside-because-it-rains-all-the-time days are the worst. And we have had quite a few in a row.

Someday I will figure it out. Right now I'm just thankful that I have the person in my life that I do. I'm grateful to him. And I'm going to go play with the kids until he gets home to fix my vacuum. I could probably try to do it myself, but he would just have to fix it when he got home anyway.

Poor guy. Lord knows how he puts up with me. But I'm totally thankful that he does.