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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Are you SERIOUS?

I get mad. Probably more than most people. Whatever reason you give it, it still happens. Mostly I get mad at the dumb stuff. Not enough money to pay all the bills this month? It will work itself out. I ask what you want for dinner and you say "I don't care", I blow a gasket. Silly, huh?

Since I usually write about my children, I thought I would take a chance today and write about something that drives me crazy. A lot of things that drive me crazy. My pet peeve list.

Growing up, we were not allowed to answer any questions with the statement 'I don't know'. At the time, it made no sense to me. I mean, sometimes I just legitimately didn't know. I don't know where I put my shoes. I don't know what my sister is doing. I don't know why I'm driving you insane. BUT THEN, I grew up and had a family. And they answer things with 'I don't know', and I almost can feel my chest tightening. I hate that. Find a different answer. Maybe it's me being a product of my environment. Maybe it's a learned behavior. But please, don't ever say 'I don't know' to me. I'm liable to not know why I punched you.

People who say 'I'm sorry' for everything! Jesus H. Christ, no you aren't! There is no way you can be that sorry that something idiotic happened to someone else. There is no way you can be that sorry about something minor you really intended to do, but got in trouble for. Around here, 'I'm sorry' is not a get-out-of-jail-free card. If you were that damn sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. Reserve that statement for when you actually feel remorse for something. I accidentally broke your __________ (fill in whatever your child broke this week), and I didn't mean to. THAT means something to me. Randomly saying 'I'm sorry' means nothing. Don't do it.

Answering every question with 'I don't care'. Some part of you has to care about something. When I was a manager and asked someone if they could work an extra shift and they said 'I don't care', they got it. And then they would whine that they didn't say yes. 'I don't care' means it matters to you none either way. So I pick the way that suits me. I'm selfish that way. If it doesn't matter to you, but it matters to me, I'll pick the way I want it to be. HA. Put that in your juice box and suck it. OR just stop saying 'I don't care'.

People who ask me if something works for me, but when I say not really they don't care. Don't ask me then! Just tell me when I need to be somewhere and I'll show up. The people most guilty of this are the preschool people. I hate preschool. Does it work for me that I have to pick my son up 2 hours before everyone else leaves? NO. Oh, but I have to do it anyway? Sure. Why didn't you just say that? I feel the need to follow up conversations like this one by adding the word ass to the end of every sentence I say. "Sure, I can be here by 1pm, ass." "No, I don't mind that if I hit traffic and am delayed by even 2 minutes I get yelled at, ass." I should really just homeschool Child 1 and Child 2.

People who wait until the last minute to tell me things. I am normally a procrastinator. I do that very well. I get my best work done when I'm rushed. But I tell people about things in advance. That way, if they don't subscribe to the theory that everything that's done at the very end is their best work, they have time to prepare. Granted, even when people tell me things the day before, I still get it done. I am amazing that way. I am the reliable one. Blessing and a curse. But, let me choose if I wish to do everything on a wing and a prayer. I should get to pick that.

People in the grocery store. This requires an explanation because it isn't normally something that drives people crazy. I hate the grocery store on the best days. On the worst days, I muddle through and forget half of what I intended to buy anyway. People who want to ask me about my children and peer at them like a zoo exhibit drive me INSANE! My son has red hair. It's not that entirely unusual. And I've heard about it like a gazillion times in 5 years. Please don't stop me during my least favorite activity to point out something dumb. And stop staring at the baby. He's little and cute. They all are. The only exception to this rule is people I actually know. If we are acquainted in any way outside of the grocery store, feel free to stop me and gawk at my children. It is a welcome distraction to talk about things I love. But if you don't know me, keep walking sister.

I know, I'm strange. But I write about my kids so much, I thought I would give them a break. Besides, it was so beautiful yesterday, we played outside forever and most of their energy was used up being kids and not saying smart ass stuff.