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Saturday, March 1, 2014

Causing the Calamity

I joke sometimes that my house is a zoo. This really isn't a joke. My house is a zoo. At any given moment of any given day, someone is making a mess. Or being loud. Or doing something they just aren't supposed to do.

Usually it's my children. Children do all sorts of things they aren't supposed to do. Sometimes it's because they don't realize they are doing something wrong. But then sometimes, I'm convinced they do things just to get under my skin. They know all my sore spots, and they poke them. Good thing they are cute, eh?

Occasionally it's Daddy. (I know Daddy hates to be mentioned too much in my internet life, but...... well, sorry.) Daddy has a habit of leaving things places they shouldn't be. Some days I just smile and put things back where they belong. Other days I have the urge to call him and give him the same ultimatum I give his children "PUT IT AWAY OR I WILL THROW IT IN THE TRASH!"

By the time I get around to mentioning throwing things away, everyone is running for their stuff. But once in a blue moon, this tiny little voice from 4 feet off the floor will utter "No you will not."
I'm not sure if he's informing me that he is the rule maker and I won't throw things away because HE says so, or if Child 1 has merely learned that I talk a good game but my follow through is a little lacking. I mean, I bought those toys. Who wants to throw away their own money?

And yesterday, the calamity was caused by a pet. We have quiet pets (you know, the ones by son keeps alive because I forget them?). Quiet pets are both a blessing and a curse. They are lovely because most days you can coexist peacefully and not bother one another. Other days, like when they escape, you don't know it's happened for quite some time.

Last night, I get a moderately panicked sounding phone call from Daddy while I was on my way home from work. "You have to come home NOW. Your hamster has gotten out. I caught him but you gotta figure out what to do with him." Great, on my way. I'd love to handle hamster disasters at midnight.

The hamster is pleasantly playing in his exercise ball, completely oblivious to the fact that if he had gotten out just 15 minutes later and I was the one to see him, he would be dead. I would have killed him. It's dark at midnight. Dark in combination with crawling things are bad. And I am a shoot first ask questions later kinda girl.

Somehow Elephant had opened a plastic port in his cage and crawled out. So I devised a plan. I fixed the cage last night, so I could sleep without fear of losing the hamster. And this weekend, I am going to the pet store, buying a million connectable tubes and he will no longer have any plastic ports to open. It should only cost me $200........

In my house, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And the money.

I should start charging admission to people who come visit my house. We are either a poorly run zoo or a wildly amazing side show. Either way, we sure are a fun house to come visit. You just probably don't want to live here.