I have damn smart children. I'm not bragging. Trust me, sometimes it's a bad thing. But other times, some of the things that are said in my house are down right hysterical.
Thankfully Child 2 still can't talk. His communication is limited to growling. And yelling. Which is also mildly amusing. I love that he wakes us up by growling at us. I just hope he grows out of it.
Child 1, however, says things that are way out of his age range. He's too damn smart.
- At school, during his first week, Child 1 was still learning the rules. He ran from the bathroom to the carpet. This is a no-no. The teacher asked Child 1 to return to the bathroom and show her how to use his walking feet. Child 1 says "I don't have to walk all the way back there to show you. I can show you my walking feet from right here!" I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard.
- I asked Child 1 to snuggle one night. It had been a long day and I just wanted to cuddle him. Child 1 says to me, with all the seriousness a 5 year old can muster "Mom, can we try a new kind of cuddling where we don't actually touch each other?" So we laid on separate parts of the bed and that was that.
- We don't eat dinner in my house. We eat lunch twice. One of the little weird things we have to do around here. I accidentally called it dinner last night. Child 1, the love of my life, decided he needed to set me straight. "Mom, you can eat dinner any time you want, but I'll wait until you make me some lunch, ok?" I continued to make the same food and called it lunch. He ate it.
- Driving home yesterday, I was talking to Daddy on the phone. Child 1 noticed we pulled up to the house and did not immediately get out of the car. He waited until I was done talking and had hung up the phone, which was unusual. Turns out he was just laying in wait. "Mom, we are home and still sitting in the car. Did you know that?" Yep, I knew. But thank you anyway, Captain Obvious.
- Child 1 is loud. Like insanely loud. He yells, he jumps, he pounds. We have neighbors, we live in a half a double. Thank Jesus, our neighbors are my sister and brother-in-law. One day, my brother-in-law was hanging something up on the wall. He was pounding with a hammer. "Who is that?" I answered it was his uncle. I thought we were done talking about it. After hearing the noise again, I heard this statement loud and clear. "I need your phone. They are being very loud over there and I have to call them. It is quiet time." HA
- Child 1 wants to go to Universal Studios to see the Transformers exhibit. We told him it was very expensive and we had to save money for it. "Mom, I want Daddy to stay at work until we save up enough money to go see them." Daddy is a salaried worker. He would never be able to come home. Child 1 did not care what-so-ever.
- Child 1's classroom replaced the dead fish. Child 1 asked a very serious question for a 5 year old regarding the new fish. "Mom, we got a gold fish this time. When he dies, can we vote to get another blue one? I like blue better." Glad to see we got over the dead fish pretty quickly.
I have come to discover that with children, you never know what they are going to say. They are crafty creatures. I have also learned that when you have a child who is incredibly literal it makes life a bit more interesting. If you say something, you sure as hell better mean it just the way you said it.
I'm still working on the finer points of this. I still mess things up. I still say "Later, Child 1" without thinking that he will remember this, and at bedtime he will point out that later never came and he does not want to go to bed until I fulfill this promise. Everything said in my house is a promise. And Child 1 never forgets a promise.
I, however, forget everything. Thank Godness I have a walking talking 5 year old appointment book to remind me of all the things I said I will do, and don't get around to.