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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Babysitting my ASS

So I was watching Divorce Court today. None of that judgy-judgy stuff. I enjoy watching people's lives implode on television. I feel for a half hour like I have all my ducks in a row. And honestly, from 9am-930am during Divorce Court is the only time that happens anymore. HA

Todays episode featured one of the most ridiculous couples I have ever watched. The woman referred to being the one in charge of her children as BABYSITTING. What the hell? I have two children. Two. Let me repeat that. I have two children. I have never referred to raising my children as babysitting. If you breed them, you own them. Is it babysitting if you buy a dog, or do you own it? Last I checked, you got paid to babysit and you got to send them home when you were finished. None of that sounds like what happens here with my children. No one pays me for taking care of them. And they don't ever go anywhere without me. Babysitting, my ass. And the guy said he was willing to pay his wife to watch the kids if she would stop complaining about it! What on earth are you talking about? What you need to do is go ahead and divorce her, and then find a real mom to raise those kids. Holy crap on a cracker.

Hearing someone say that about their own children seriously gives me the largest amount of butt-hurt I've ever had. I immediately want to drive to their homes and just take their kids away. To me, saying that you babysit your own children is akin to not feeding them for 2 days. I mean, seriously. How much do you NOT love your children to talk about them that way????

There are times that I dislike my kids. Bath time happens to be a time that I hate them most of all. No one wants their hair washed. They all want to splash about like epileptic fish. By the end of bath time, not only are they wet, but so is anything else in close proximity to the bathroom. I have had water splashed clear out in the hallway. If ever there was a time I would refer to my children in that manner it would be bedtime, and yet I never have because...... wait for it...... I am their mother.

Dinner time is another time in which I hate my children. Unless I make hot dogs and French fries, no one wants to eat. The little thinks that now that he has 3 teeth, he can eat whatever we eat. Forget baby food. We left that a while ago. Now he only wants what we have. But how the hell do you chew pot roast with 3 front teeth? I'm sure someone somewhere can do it, but not a 9 month old child. Give him baby food because he can't eat what we eat and I just end up wearing it. He shoves the spoon away like I'm trying to feed him lye laced bleach.

Child 1 just doesn't eat. He will whine "But Mom, where's my hot dog?" "I don't want to eat that!" even if it's something he just ate last week at school. Trying to feed the people in this house is like trying to negotiate a peace contract between two warring countries. It's close to impossible, and someone always ends up going home crying. Usually Child 1. Child 2 can still have ba-ba's.

And not once have I referred to child raising as babysitting. It's a frustrating, hard, selfless job. No one finds it fun all the time, and if they do, what in the hell are you doing differently than I am??? There are days I would pay people to take these damn kids for just an hour so I can just listen. Listen to what you ask? The sound of nothing. I miss the sound of nothing. I get up 2 hours before everyone else just to remember what quiet sounds like.

So, if you people still feel the need to consider raising your child "BABYSITTING", you should consider a better form of birth control. Because you honestly shouldn't be allowed to have babies.