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Saturday, March 15, 2014

What If I Don't Want To?

I wish I could handle my life like Child 1 handles his. If he doesn't want to do something, he just doesn't. And frankly, if I wasn't the grown up in the house, I would applaud him for his ability to hold his ground and never cave. He never caves. I want to be able to wake up and say "I don't want to go to work today" and just not go. Or say "I don't feel like feeding you people today" and just not do it.

THAT is my dream. I don't ask for much. I don't need fancy trips or fancy clothes. I just want one day where if I don't want to do anything, I don't do it. But after the age of 7, this really is no longer an option. It just doesn't happen.

I can't call my boss and say "Well, see what had happened was, I didn't freaking feel like going today, so I didn't!". I mean, I could technically do that. But I would also be following that phone call up with a job search and filing for unemployment. Bosses tend to frown upon that kind of stuff. I know because I was one.

I can't tell my children "You drove me insane all week with your incessant rambling and 10,000 questions, so today, I'm not listening to you AT ALL!" I often think about trying it just to see what Child 1's face would look like. He's a fairly comical kid so I'm sure it would be worth it to see his reaction.

Someday, when I'm old enough, I will be that crotchety old lady who just says and does what she wants. I'm halfway there already. Lord knows I have the gray hair for it. A couple more saggy body parts and I can start getting away with being a dick for no reason. AND I'M GOING TO!

Rest assured, when I get old enough, I will be that lady. I will be the one walking around Wal-Mart smacking those kids who can't wear their pants correctly in the back on the head with my purse. I will be the one telling my neighbors that I will put whatever the hell I want in my yard and they had better like it. If I want flamingos, flamingos I shall have! I am incredibly fond of the little pinwheels that blow in the wind. Maybe I'll have a forest of them out front.

If I want to wear a robe to the grocery store, I will. I already think about doing it, I just haven't followed through yet. I have a rather drab red one that I think would be delightful to wear down the aisles of Weis. I can't wait. And slippers. Damn it, I will wear my slippers to the grocery store.

I will call fast food restaurants that F up my order, and yell. And get free stuff. I will fill out those stupid surveys stores give me, and when I think someone absolutely sucks at their job, I will tell them. I have a whole speech stored up for people who honestly are not in their correct profession.  I had a lot of time to think about it when I was a manager. There were a lot of people working retail who were not cut out for it. I would have loved to tell them just where to pound it and where to go.

I just want to do and say as I like. I sincerely can't wait.