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Monday, March 24, 2014

I broke the cardinal rule!

I did today what every parent vows they will never do the day they learn they are pregnant.

I cursed at my child.

Not in front of my child, but AT him. Like directly at him, with a sentence that started with his name.

Child 1 pushed me to my limit today. We whined, we cried, we threw fits, we threw toys. And as much as Mommy said "No, don't do that." or "Will you please stop?" the ridiculousness continued. Until Mommy eventually snapped and cursed at my child.

Child 1 wanted to snuggle, but not actually with touching. Child 1 wanted to play a game, but apparently none of the games we actually own. Child 1 wanted to watch a TV show, but none of the ones that were on. Child 1 wanted to play with a toy, but only the lost toy. Child 1 wanted to look at his brother, but didn't want his brother to look at him.

It was an intensely irritating day all around. It did not go well. I was PISSED.

What curse word could I have possibly said, you ask? Oh, well let me tell you. Did I ask him "What the hell is your problem?" Nope. Didn't say that. Did I ask him "What is your damn problem?" Nope. Didn't say that either.

I actually told my child "Are you f$%king listening to me? Go sit somewhere and shut your pie hole!"  Today, I was that Mom. I was that Mom we all roll our eyes at when we hear them speak like this at the store. I was that Mom we all proclaim we will NEVER be. I did it.

Want to know a horrible secret? It felt really good. Not like a brownie sundae from DQ good, mind you. But I felt better than before the F word came out of my mouth.

So now let's review a list a bad things I have taught my child...... (other adults have contributed as well, but I'll shoulder all the blame since I tend to speak like a sailor on shore leave...)

1. Son of a Bitch- This was uttered on a pool ladder in my mothers back yard. HAHA. I will not claim this phrase, as he did not hear it from me. But I'm sure I say it enough.

2. Jesus Christ- This hasn't been said in a while, but was at one point a daily exclamation when something he didn't expect to happen actually happened. I will take the blame on this bad boy, because it is one of my most treasured statements.

3. God Damn It- This is frequently said while playing video games. Because as according to my son "Mom, that is what you're supposed to say when you lose." Again, I shouldn't chuckle, but I did. He's a quick one, that kid.

If I have to pick him up from school tomorrow for asking a kid "Are you f$%king listening to me?" I will scold him appropriately, then giggle relentlessly as soon as he is no longer within earshot. Because I can see my little Sheldon-like child saying this to the kids in his class he feels aren't as smart as he is.

Oh, what a life I live......